Dear Diary
by RainbowShadow90
Summary: Dear Diary, today I came out to my parents. They took it well. Next step? Telling Ginny I love her. FEMMESLASH
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey all. Third fanfic! Third Hermione/Ginny fic! I have writer's block, and I'm stuck in Realizing the Truth, so I decided that I'd start something new and see if it works out for me. Hope you all enjoy this! Read & Review please! **_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today is the last day before the Hogwarts school session begins again. It's also the last time I'm going to be seeing her for a while. She's off to her 7__th__ year and I'm off to Auror training. Who would have thought, me, an Auror? Nobody. They figured me to be a secretary, Minister of Magic, even. An Auror? Never crossed anyone's mind. My thoughts are racing in my head, and I don't know which one I want to write about first._

_Harry and Ginny are still together. I suppose this is the one that's bothering me the most. I'm still with Ron, but as I've written before, he's not the Weasley I want. He's not even the gender that I want. I am finally coming to terms with it. Hermione Granger is a lesbian. Nobody knows though. I never really pinned Ginny as a homophobe, and I know my parents would just want me to be happy, but what about everyone else? Ron would be devastated – all the Weasleys would, really – and Harry would never forgive me for ripping his best friend's heart to shreds. No, I can't tell anyone._

_I'm forced to live this double life. During the daytime, I'm Hermione Granger, Auror in training, dedicated HETEROSEXUAL girlfriend to The Boy Who Lived's best friend, Ron Weasley. But at night, I go out. I find people that are like me. It's a rather common thing in the Wizarding world. Homosexuality is everywhere. Charlie Weasley himself is gay, and it didn't seem to bother the Weasley family but I'm still terrified to let anyone know. Perhaps I'll tell Charlie and he can help me in some way. _

_It's nearly 12 at night. I need to be up early tomorrow to see Ginny off to school. Maybe tomorrow I'll get the courage to tell her how I feel. I'll write more tomorrow._

_Sincerely, _

_Hermione Granger _

I closed my diary and looked over at Ginny sleeping in the bed. I couldn't bear to sleep in the same be as her, it was too much to lie beside her and not be able to cuddle with her. I hated it. I hated Harry. No, I didn't hate him; he was my best friend. I was just jealous of him. Extremely jealous. I loved Ginny, I loved her so much. I loved her since my 6th year, when it was just about that normal time to start feeling those sorts of things for people. The only problem was that the person I felt it for was a girl, and my boyfriend's sister at that. Maybe things would be brighter in the morning.

Or maybe not. When I woke up in the morning on my cot, it was to Harry bringing Ginny a single white rose as she stirred from her slumber. Ron would never think to do something so sweet for me. I sort of resented him. I used to think that maybe if he were a better boyfriend, I wouldn't be gay. But now I knew better. This is simply the way I am – no changing it, or treading around it.

I heard someone calling my name indistinctly and looked up to see Ginny standing above me, a concerned look on her face.

"Huh?" I asked, puzzled.

"I said, are you going to get dressed and join us for breakfast or not?" she smiled down at me.

"Oh… yes. Be right there," I said, forcing a smile. Her chocolate brown eyes pierced my gaze, and I knew at that moment, she knew how I felt, at least to some extent. I had to look away. I couldn't look away. I wanted to grab her, to pull her close and hug her so tightly that she would know exactly how I felt. Instead, I got up and averted my gaze to the floor, ashamed of my thoughts.

"Hermione, are you all right?"

"Oh, yes," I squeaked nervously, "Quite all right…"

I forced a high pitched laugh that sounded quite unlike me and quickly grabbed my clothes to change in the lavatory. When I came out, I bumped into Charlie, who was at the Burrow on vacation from his job.

"Oh! Charlie… can I have a word with you in private? Please?" I nearly pleaded.

"Is everything all right?" Charlie asked concernedly, pulling me to his room and closing the door behind us.

"Charlie, you're the only one I think I can talk to about this, and I didn't mean for this to happen, but it did and I didn't want it to, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say, I didn't want this to happen, Charlie, please believe me when I say that, I didn't mean for it to happen," I rambled, tears forming in my eyes and stinging me.

"Hermione, you've got to calm down," Charlie said softly, resting a hand gently on my shoulder.

I choked back a frantic sob and tried to take a deep breath.

"Breathe, love… now tell me what's wrong," he said, rubbing my back slowly in small circles.

"I think I like girls," I whispered.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that," Charlie frowned.

"I like girls. A girl. I love a girl. A very, very forbidden girl," I said, slightly more audibly.

The look of shock on Charlie's face was blatant. He tried quickly to cover it up with a blank expression, but I had already caught the first look.

"Oh… Well, who… who is it? Angelina Johnson? Katie Bell perhaps? You seem like the type to go for athletic girls -- ."

"It's Ginny," I choked out, beginning to cry.

"Ginny? Ginny wh—GINNY?!" he exclaimed.

"Charlie, please!" I cried.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he stammered, taken aback. "Ginny? Ginny Weasley?" he asked in barely a whisper.

I nodded, the tears flowing freely.

"Oh, Hermione," he said softly, pulling me close and letting me cry into his chest. He smoothed my hair back gently and charmed the door shut with a locking spell.

"I just don't know what to do, Charlie, I can't get her off of my mind, and it's so wrong in so many ways, and I _know_ she's with Harry and I know they're in love, but I have this hope, this sick, twisted hope that maybe she'll realize that I'm good for her and she'll love me!" I hiccupped, shaking my head angrily.

"Hermione, do you want to know who I first fancied when I figured out I like men?" Charlie asked softly, sitting me down on his bed.

I sniffled and nodded, still crying.

"Cedric Diggory. I thought he was the most beautiful thing in existence. I know it sounds weird, considering he's a bit younger than me, but Merlin, how I fancied him. We got along all right, he owled me quite a bit, but then I heard he was going out with that Ravenclaw girl, Cho Chang, and I was heartbroken… Of course, when You-Know-Who returned and took him from us, I was devastated. It was the night I had left him a note telling him how I felt."

I looked at Charlie, surprised. He looked quite teary-eyed and I felt bad for the bloke. At least Ginny was still alive…

"I still don't really know how to react when someone brings him up. I know Harry's not highest on your favorites' list, but he's pretty high up on mine. He took the life of the man who took the life of the man that I loved. Confusing, innit?"

I shook my head. "No, I understand… I didn't know… about Cedric, I mean. I'm sorry, Charlie."

"It's all right, I suppose… nothing we can do about it now. Onto your dilemma, then," he said, wiping his damp eyes.

I nodded quietly, not really knowing how to console him.

"First things first. You've got to let Ron go. I know it'll be hard to hurt him, and he might not talk to you for a very long while, but you've got to get your life together. You can't keep living a lie."

"Oh, Charlie," I wailed, "how am I supposed to let him go easily? He's going to hate my guts! I can't, Charlie, I just can't!"

"You've got to, Hermione. It's the only way to feel at least partially better about this whole ordeal. It'll be all right. I'm here for you, all right?"

I looked up at Charlie, feeling weak and powerless. I nodded nevertheless.

"Thanks, Charlie… I'm glad I was able to talk to you. It means a lot to have someone there for me."

"It's no problem, Hermione. Glad to help!" Charlie said, his eyes twinkling.

I managed a small smile, and hugged him one last time before we both headed out of the door and down to have some breakfast. Ginny was sitting next to Harry, practically on top of him, but she quickly moved away a safe distance when she saw me. That made me wonder, why would she do such a thing?

"After everyone's gone?" Charlie proposed quietly in my ear.

"Agreed," I mumbled to him, sitting beside Ron.

Charlie took a seat beside me as everyone said their good mornings, and we began to eat. Ron was such a sloppy eater; it really irked me. I wiped a bit of egg from his chin and he smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, love," he said with a mouth full of eggs and sausage.

"You're welcome," I said, forcing the best smile that I could muster.

Breakfast seemed to drag on forever and ended too soon. It was quickly time for Ginny to be off to school. We were at King's Cross in no time, and Ginny was kissing Harry hard on the lips before making him promise to write at least once a week.

"Once a day," he promised her.

I felt sick – at least until she threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

"You'll write too, won't you? And you'll be there when I come home for the holidays?"

"Of course," I smiled weakly. "Every time."

She swooped down and kissed me on my cheek, and I felt my skin burning where her lips had came into contact with it.

"Take care!" she waved to all of us as she hopped onto the train with her things. I waved with a heavy heart, knowing that the next time she'd see me, she'd hate me for breaking her brother's heart, and possibly for wanting hers.

We all made our way back to the burrow, Harry and I rather quiet and possibly for the same reason. Charlie gave me a look, and I knew what it meant: now was the best time to let Ron go.

"Ron, can I speak to you alone?" I asked nervously.

Ron jumped up excitedly; those words usually meant something way different than what I was about to say.

"Of course, Hermione! Any time!" he grinned, leading me to his bedroom.

"I think you should sit down," I mumbled.

"All right!" he smiled but then caught the look on my face. "What's wrong, love?"

"Ron, I… I don't think we should be together. It's not fair to you, and I'm hiding this big secret, and it's… just not fair to you," I finished lamely.

Ron's face fell. He examined my expression. "Are… are you serious?"

"Ron, believe me when I say it's nothing to do with you. It's a battle that I've been struggling with for years, and I can't keep lying to you."

"Hermione, what is it? If it's got nothing to do with me, then what could it possibly be?" he asked.

Was I ready? Ready or not, I had to let him know. He deserved the truth, at the very least.

"Ron, I like women."

Oh damn. His expression said it all. He hated me. Everyone would hate me, I'd be alone all over again. What he said next was something I would never have expected to come out of his mouth…


	2. Chapter 2

**Right, I've finally decided to update this. I struggled quite a bit, writer's block and such. Anyway, this is the second chapter. So, enjoy, and don't forget to review! :)**

"Hermione, it's not your fault. I completely understand."

My jaw dropped. I was stunned, to say the very least. Ron was such a hot head. Why wasn't he exploding?

"I'm upset, yeah, but I understand. You can't control who you love. I'm not mad at you. Bit of a blow to my ego, though," he joked.

I managed a small smile but stood silent.

"So, you have anyone in mind, then?" he asked gently, noticing the tears brimming in my eyes.

"No," I lied quickly.

That was one thing I knew for sure. If Ron ever found out I had feelings for his sister, he'd kill me. That would have to be kept a secret. I would take it to the grave with me.

"All right, Hermione. Come here," he said, spreading his arms.

"Ron?" I sniffled as I buried my face into his chest and hugged him.

"Yeah?"

"Can we not mention this to anyone? I'm not exactly ready to let anyone know except you and Charlie."

"Charlie knows?" he said, taken aback.

"Yes, well I needed advice."

"All right… Sure, it'll be our little secret, all right?"

I nodded and hugged him gratefully. It felt strange to have Ron react so calmly and rationally, but at that point, I took his reaction gladly. We made our way back to the living room and Charlie eyed Ron and I.

"What's going on?" Mrs. Weasley asked, noticing my glum expression.

"Um, nothing mum. Just, Hermione and I have decided it might be best for us to stay friends."

"What? Why? Why would you ever say such a thing?"

"Personal reasons, mum. Can we just leave it alone?"

"I most certainly will not! Hermione, dear, what did he do to you?"

Harry snorted.

"Nothing, Mrs. Weasley, honestly. We just decided we're better off as friends."

"But --,"

"Mum, leave it alone," Charlie said softly. "Hermione, come take a walk with me."

I hugged Ron one last time gratefully before heading off with Charlie.

"How'd it go, then?" Charlie asked once we were out of earshot.

"He was completely understanding. It was actually a bit scary."

"Really? That's odd," Charlie said, perplexed as we walked into the garden.

I could only nod.

"So, what's the next step?" Charlie asked.

"Tell my parents?"

Charlie nodded. "They need to know."

"All right, I'll apparate over there in a bit. I should probably stay with them for a bit, as well."

"Whatever you want to do."

I hugged Charlie and went back into the Burrow to gather my belongings. Once I had said my goodbyes, I left with a pop. Arriving in my parents' house, I called for them.

"Mum? Dad?"

I wandered around the house until I found them watching television.

"Hermione!" Mum shrieked delightedly, jumping up from the couch to smother me with hugs and kisses.

"Hermione, what a pleasant surprise!" Dad said, standing up to give me a single hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Mum, please, calm down!" I laughed, "I missed you both, too."

"What brings you back home, dear?" Mum asked happily.

"I'd like to have a word with the two of you about something," I said, feeling anxiety growing in my chest slowly but surely.

"Of course, dear. Is everything okay?" Mum asked, noticing the expression on my face.

"I think you should sit down," I suggested, sitting in a cozy armchair in front of them.

Mum and Dad sat down on the couch, watching me worriedly. The silence was thick in the air and killing me.

"I'm gay," I blurted out after a few agonizing moments.

Mum and Dad looked at each other, completely unsurprised.

"Mum? Dad? Did you hear me?" I said nervously.

"Hermione, we're your parents. Don't you think we figured this out already?"

I stared at them, stunned.

"We've known that you would like girls right since you were little. We were convinced after you had that girl down the street stay over every day."

"Catherine? You knew before I did?"

Mum laughed. "Hermione, why are you overreacting?"

"Mum, how could you know before I did?" I exclaimed.

"We're your parents," Dad repeated.

I rubbed my temple; I was getting a headache, and I didn't know why. Most people would be jumping for joy if their parents were this understanding. But just to make sure…

"So, you're okay with it?" I asked tentatively.

"Of course we are," Dad said. "You're our daughter. We love you no matter what, Hermione."

I got up and hugged them both silently. They hugged me back tightly and at that moment, I had never been more grateful to have the parents that I had.

"Your room is still well kept, if you'd like to go rest, dear," Mum said.

I nodded. "That'd be nice. I'll see you in a bit."

I headed up the stairs and into my bedroom. Lying on my bed, I sighed and curled up, wondering what Ginny was doing. Was she thinking of me? No, of course she wasn't. If she were thinking of anyone, it would be Harry. I thought about what Charlie had said, about me liking athletic girls.

He was right, of course. I had fancied Angelina Johnson for quite some time before she had graduated. We had even fooled around a bit before she had graduated, despite the fact that she was a bit older than me. We still kept in contact, actually. She was a good friend, albeit a secret one. Everyone knew Angelina was a lesbian, and for me to be speaking to her so often would raise red flags. I hadn't heard from her in quite some time, a month, almost. I wished she would owl me, or visit, something.

I don't quite remember thinking after that, only that Ginny's face swam in my mind. Then I woke up with a frustrated sigh. Why did I wake up? I looked around my room, it was dark, and there was tapping on the window. Could it be Angelina's owl?

I jumped out of my bed and opened my window to see a small owl still pecking away at the open window.

"Hey, now, it's open," I said gently, stroking the owl's feathers softly.

It hooted and I squinted in the dark to realize it wasn't Angelina's owl at all, but rather, Charlie's. I took the letter from it and closed the window, allowing the small owl to fly around my room, hooting away.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I was getting worried when you hadn't written, even though it's only been a few hours since you left. Then I realized you don't have an owl, just Crookshanks. Did you tell your parents? How'd they take it, then? Are you all right? Do you need me to come speak to them? Sorry if I seem a bit annoying, I just remember how difficult it was to tell my parents that I'm gay. Write back soon._

_Charlie_

I smiled at his worries and wrote on the other side of the parchment.

_Dear Charlie,_

_I appreciate your concerns. I did tell my parents. They took it better than I did. They told me they had already figured out a long time ago that I like girls. It was rather odd, really. I'm okay, just tired. I keep wondering if Ginny is thinking about me, and then feeling disappointed because I know she's not. You don't have to come speak to them, it's quite all right. You're not annoying, Charlie, I quite like your being worried. It's like you're the big brother I never had. Thank you for being there for me when I needed someone the most._

_Love, Hermione_

I tied the letter to the owl's leg, and sent him off with a gentle pet and a thank you. Grabbing my diary from my bag, I flipped it open to a clean sheet, and began to write.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I came out to my parents. Next step? Telling Ginny I love her. The thought alone terrifies me. I'm so afraid to see her reaction; horrified, disgusted… I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish she could just accept me, and love me. I wish she would just simply confess her feelings for me, kiss me and get it over with. Why does life have to be so hard?_

_My parents' reaction was amazing, if not surprising. They already knew. They knew before I did. I suppose that was one thing I was slow to learn of. Well, nobody's perfect, I suppose. I do believe it's time for a bit of a rest. I'll write soon, then._

_Sincerely, _

_Hermione Granger_

I closed the diary, tucked it under my pillow and curled up, quickly falling asleep. Tomorrow was another day.


End file.
